‘Rags and Muffin’ Is Almost Complete

The manuscript for Rags and Muffin is done, with just a few finishing touches needed. I had commissioned Eduardo Moura Barbosa for a chapter-heading image, but I was so pleased with the results I asked for some more so I can switch them up from one chapter to the next. The header image for this post is an example: Each chapter header contains objects associated with one of the main characters.

I also crossed my fingers, took a deep breath, and commissioned a cover. I decided a cartoon cover was inappropriate for Rags and Muffin, so I commissioned a cover from a reasonably priced company that appears to do good work. I haven’t seen anything for my project yet, but they claim their turn-around time is good, their portfolio looks solid, and they’ve asked me a lot of probing questions to ensure that they’re actually producing what I want. I’ll name the company after I have the final product and can discuss the overall experience. But if they’re as fast as they claim, I might just make my hoped-for October 1st release date.

The downside is that the cover will cost a pretty penny—at least by my standards. I’m not a guy who can drop $1200 on a book cover, at least not yet. This isn’t costing me that much, but it’s definitely a bite out of the wallet.

Anyway, remember that, if you pick up Dead 2 Rites, kindly leave a review.

Seeking Book Covers

I’m currently hunting, bewilderdly, for a cover designer for Rags and Muffin. Everything else is ready to go on that book (I have a guy making a few extra interior illustrations, but it’s otherwise complete). Although I certainly considered using the same guys who did Jake and the Dynamo, and whom I’m more than happy with, I think this particular novel needs a different design style.

But this is all new to me still, so I’m hunting around, stumbling and wandering. I’m also limited by price range: I am not a bestselling author and don’t expect to be in the foreseeable future, even if I’m turning them out at a reasonably good rate (for the moment). Some guys do some really, really cool stuff … for $1500. Quite reasonable if you can reasonably expect to move a lot of copies.

Realistically, this will probably delay the release.

Also, it doesn’t help that we are in a cover-design dark age right now. For “literary” fiction, minimalism is all the rage. And in fantasy, almost every cover is a slight variation on the “attractive woman stares at reader with glowy lighting effects” motif. This is one time I can’t even favorably compare Japanese publications to American ones since manga and light-novel covers nowadays are all slight variations on the “cute girl stares at reader with legs up in the air” motif.

‘Dead 2 Rites’ Is Ready to Launch

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p class=”has-drop-caps”>I just finished some last-minute alterations to Dead 2 Rites, which will improve the flow of some of the jokes. Remember, this DRM-free eBook is on sale for 99 cents only until September 1st, when it becomes available.

Final Edits to ‘Dead 2 Rites’

It’s been hectic in my neck of the woods. Right now, I’m finishing up some last-minute improvements to Dead 2 Rites. As of this writing, it’s still on sale for 99 cents and will be until it releases for Kindle and paperback on September 1. So if you’ve read Jake and the Dynamo and found it amusing, reserve your copy of the sequel now while it’s cheap.

I’m also working at getting the art for Rags and Muffin. I’m still hoping for an October 1st release date for that one but don’t want to pin it down yet. I really like the guys who did the covers for the Jake and the Dynamo books, but I think something a little different would be appropriate for Rags, so I’m hunting around.

I’m also currently at work on a planetary romance, a bit of a departure from my usual “theme.” I’ll discuss the details later. I have my fingers crossed for a release date before the end of the year. I really want four books out this year.

Goals

I got a lot going on these days, so it’s getting harder to post regularly. But we are still on track with the books. Two more novels are coming out soon, the first being Dead 2 Rites, which will release on the first of September. I also met today’s writing goals for my next project.

I need to update this site’s info about my book projects, but I’ll let you know exactly what I’m up to soon.

Why Men Don’t Read Books by Women: Addendum

A few days ago, I wrote a post explaining why I think men don’t read books by women. Judging by my traffic, it’s one of my most popular posts ever and might even beat out my wild-eyed rant about Cardcaptor Sakura.

Oh man, this doing numbers.

So I want to follow up with further commentary and an illustration.

To demonstrate the point I made, I walked into our “New Releases” collection and picked up a book from the display. It happened to be Danielle Steel’s All that Glitters. I opened the dust jacket to read the blurb, and it ran as follows. Please forgive the length:

Nicole “Coco” Martin is destined to have it all. As the only child of doting and successful parents, she has been given every opportunity in life. Having inherited her mother’s stunning beauty and creativity, along with her father’s work ethic and diligence, she has the world at her feet. Her graduation from Columbia is fast approaching, and with it the summer job of her dreams working at a magazine. Between work, leisurely weekends at her family’s home in Southampton, and spending as much time as possible with her best friend, Sam, life couldn’t be better—until tragedy strikes. Coco’s beloved parents are killed in a terrorist attack while on vacation in France.

Now devastated and alone, Coco must find a way to move forward and make her way in the world without the family she loved. Determined to forge her own path and make her parents proud, Coco pursues her dreams, dazzled by exciting opportunities that come her way. Her goals are to think outside the box—and always play by her own rules. As she finds herself drawn to charismatic, fascinating men, each relationship will teach Coco new lessons, some delightful, some painful. She will come to realize what matters, and how strong she trul is—and in the end, she will discover herself.

Richly exploring one woman’s poignant journey thorugh life, All That Glitters is a compelling tale of challenges, heartbreak, discovery, and triumph, a powerful reminder that all that glitters is not the essence of life.And what is truly worth having was right there in our hands all along

It ought to be obvious why men would be uninterested in—or even repulsed by—a novel with a description like that. But it is not obvious to the likes of M. A. Sieghart because she’s convinced herself that men are just defective women.

In fact, I have a hard time believing even a woman would respond to that blurb with anything but an eye roll. Most of the women I know would, but this book is not designed to appeal to me or the crowd I run with. It’s designed to appeal to New York editors. Indeed, I can just picture Steel’s editor patting tears from her cheeks as she whispers, “Yass, kween. Even with one major adversity in the midst of luxury, you were still a girlboss who slept around and learned it’s all about you. You go, girl.”

There’s a lot I could say about this blurb. I could say that it’s too damn long. I could note that it gives away the whole damn plot. I could also note that it doesn’t even mention any plot until the end of the first paragraph. I could point out the wince-inducing clichès (“world at her feet,” “play by her own rules,” “think outside the box”), and I could describe how typing it out made me throw up in my mouth just a little bit. But none of that would matter because Danielle Steel is going to use the proceeds from this book to buy another summer home. She has carved out her audience already, a quite sizable one, with decades’ worth of best-sellers, and she doesn’t need advice from me or anyone else.

But let me amuse myself. How would I rewrite this blurb to make it halfway interesting?

I might go the honest route:

Coco’s parents were dead, slaughtered by terrorists in France. “Screw them anyway,” said Coco. “Now I can be a total crack whore without any lectures from Mom.”

With the help of Daddy’s money and a slew of unorthodox business decisions, Coco ran her magazine into the ground. But she got a lot of hot boy-on-girl action in the process. Read about her narcissistic journey of self-destruction in Danielle Steel’s most explosive novel yet, All That Glitters, a sordid tale of wealth, corruption, and lust.

Or perhaps we could even dare to improve the story somewhat—by, you know, actually giving it a story:

Fresh out of high school, Coco thought the world had handed her everything—wealth and talent were hers, and even fame was within her grasp. But everything changed when terrorists murdered her parents.

Now Coco has only one thing in mind: Revenge. And she’ll do whatever it takes to get it, even use her father’s estate to become an arms dealer and work her way up through the sleazy Parisian underworld. She may be young, but she has focus, commitment, and sheer fucking will.

I wrote these in a few minutes, and I’m sure anyone could pick them apart. But you must admit they have one advantage: They’re short.

‘Dead 2 Rites’ Coming Up for Preorder!

I just submitted Dead 2 Rites for preorder on Amazon. As with the first book, Jake and the Dynamo, this should give me enough time to get th the kinks worked out before the book actually goes up for sale.

As stated before, I’m new to all this. I’m really glad I decided to have a preorder period even though, as a new author, I don’t have any name recognition to build excitement with. Thanks to the preorder period, I’ve been able to adjust keywords and categories to get Jake and the Dynamo situated where it belongs on Amazon’s site: It’s gone through adventure romance and gay romance, and appears to have finally settled in where it belongs with satirical works, harems, and adventure light novels. Next, I’ll email Amazon and ask for a manual adjustment to refine it further.

Then, once it releases, the ad campaign begins.

Even though Dead 2 Rites will not release until September 1, I am beginning the preorder period now so potential readers can see that this series already has two books and that they won’t have to wait long for a sequel. Both novels are only 99 cents on Kindle during the preorder period. They will also be on Kindle Unlimited for at least three months before I push them to other platforms.

Both eBooks are DRM-free with lending enabled because I believe the books you buy should belong to you. Paperback versions will also be available after the release dates.

‘Rags and Muffin’ Is Finished

I know I’ve been radio silent again for a while, but that’s because I was again in one of those stages where I have a project I want to complete but it seems to be taking too long. But, today, I have it done—the final edits and formatting for Rags and Muffin, the novel I am planning to release after Dead 2 Rites, which will release after Jake and the Dynamo.

This took longer than expected for several reasons, both related and unrelated to the project itself. One thing that took a while was inserting all the internal links: This novel has a glossary in the back, mostly because, when I was a kid, I thought novels with glossaries, such as Dune or Watership Down, were extra special. But in the world of eBooks, a functional glossary requires hyperlinks in the text. Vellum, my formatting software, has a limited ability to add internal links (though it has fewer options than I would like), and today, I got the links done.

The cover art for this project hasn’t been made yet. However, I uploaded the PDF of the paperback and mocked up a fake cover on Amazon KDP so I could use the previewer to make sure the internal margins are correct.

The chapter headers and section breaks are from Barbusco comics. At the moment, I only have the one chapter-header image, the gun next to a teacup. I’m thinking about commissioning a few more so there isn’t just one image at the head of every chapter, but if I do that, I can get them in the same dimensions so they won’t affect the page count. The complete PDF of the paperback clocks in at 490 pages, including the front matter.

Real Life

The only remaining delay has to do with real-life stuff: The magical girls and I are buying a house. We had been shopping for a while, but a house that met our wants came available suddenly and unexpectedly. We’re supposed to be moving in at the end of next week if all the paperwork is complete on time, and for that reason, after this post, I’m going to go radio silent again for a bit because I’ll be focused on packing, closing, and moving.

Release Dates

Because we suddenly had to drop money on the house to avoid losing it, there isn’t a lot in the kitty for my publication and advertising costs. After we’ve made the down payment, I’ll be better situated to assess our budget and figure out what I can do, but I think we should have enough for some modest promotion.

For that reason, tentative release dates for the books are:

  1. Jake and the Dynamo:

  2. Dead 2 Rites:

  3. Rags and Muffin:

I am also (cross fingers) hoping to have the fourth volume of Jake and the Dynamo out by the end of the year.

Those are tenative, and I might tweak them by a day or three as I learn the business and, for example, figure out which days of the week are best for a release. Some unforeseen disaster or delay may also happen, but since two of the books are ready to go except for minor tweaks, I don’t think there should be any serious problem.

This has, of course, taken longer than I originally, optimistically anticipated. I can’t say I’m surprised because I haven’t self-published before; I’m just glad I didn’t have a Kickstarter because delaying release on a pre-funded project is bad form. I may, however, consider Kickstarters in the future when I’ve got the hang of this.

‘Dead 2 Rites’ Is Good to Go

Obviously, I’m still absorbed in my projects over here. I worked with Barbusco Comics and Nodsaibot to fix the issue with the cover of Dead 2 Rites. They were both very accomodating.

As you can see from the post’s eye-catch, I’m looking over the previewer on Amazon’s KDP module to make sure the paperbacks look the way they are supposed to. Once that’s squared away, I can look over the eBooks.

I can see that Vellum, despite its gigantic cost, has saved me any number of headaches. Since this is the first time I’ve done this, I now know I did a few things in the wrong order—for example, I should have already uploaded the manuscript and reviewed it before commissioning the cover art. Fortunately for me, Vellum’s presets are built to accommodate Amazon’s requirements, so, for example, my inside margins aren’t screwed up. If I had to widen those, that would throw off the page count, which would then throw off the cover art again …

Anyway, it appears my first-time, amateurish disasters have been largely averted so far. I learned a few lessons, but they have been mostly pain-free.

Also, Amazon’s software is more user-friendly than I expected, at least when you have all your files pre-built. (I understand that trying to build your paperback from a Word file using Amazon’s software is a major headache.) It automatically checks the margins on everything, and it automatically requires a deeper gutter for Dead 2 Rites than for Jake and the Dynamo because the former is considerably longer.

At least for now, it seems that the greatest difficulty comes from the requirement that the cover—front, spine, and back—need to be a single image, which means the book dimensions have to be set in stone. On the other hand, that makes wraparound covers a possibility, and that’s what we have for these two books.

Volume 1 Is Fine; Volume 2, However …

Looks like the cover for volume 2 has been rejected by KDP because the dimensions are slightly off. Looking back over the files and prep, I’m pretty sure how it happened. I’ll be going back to my artists to get this resolved; I think it’s fixable, but I’ll keep you all posted.