The Most Important Election of Our Lifetimes™

There is no more important choice a man faces in his life than the his choice of waifu.

Before time runs out, I ask you to join me in contemplating—within the context of Jake and the Dynamowho is best girl.

This is extremely important.

Will you choose the brassy and cocky Pretty Dynamo? The arrogant but highly skilled Sword Seamstress? Or perhaps the delinquent Sukeban Tsubasa, bad girl of magical girls? … Or maybe you go for the tortured artist type, specifically a tortured robot artist, Grease Pencil Marionette?

Remember: your future, and all our futures, rests on your decision.

Create your own user feedback survey

I haven’t been posting enough lately because I was on a spiritual pilgrimage

I had a four-day weekend, so I took the time to do something I should have done a long time ago: I made the journey to the golden city to pay my respects to the King.

The grave of Elvis Presley

That’s right. I was at Graceland, baby. Thank you. Thank you very much.

And while it’s important to pay homage to the king, it is also necessary to pay proper respects to the gods. Thus, I made sure to visit the Temple of Bass Pro:

Pyramid-shaped Bass Pro shop in Memphis

In addition to this grand, central temple that dominates the city’s skyline so as to lift men’s minds to higher things, I also visited this humble streetside temple, which is, I believe, dedicated to the trickster god Coyote:

Coyote Ugly on Beale Street

And I did not fail to see the King’s impressive holdings of animals in his magnificent stables:

Entryway of the Memphis Zoo

Most spectacular, of course, were the giant pandas:

Panda Ye Ye eating bamboo

I must also note something else about this journey to the great city. Here I am standing along a row of temples in the downtown area:

The author standing on Beale Street

Although I now work as a librarian rather than an archaeologist, I still habitually dress for the field. Thus, my right hand there is resting on the utility knife I usually carry on my pocket. I note that I was able to enter all of the places I went on this trip, even the King’s residence, with this knife visible on my person.

By contrast, about a year ago, I visited a presidential library where a security guard told me I would have to turn in my knife at the front desk and then retrieve it again when I left. Instead, when he wasn’t looking, I slipped the knife into the inside pocket of my bomber jacket as a small, humble way of raging against the machine and sticking it to the man.

So I can carry a knife while visiting the King, but not while visiting a president. And that is why monarchy > democracy.

Magical girls rise up.

Avian ballerinas rise up

Last one I swear

Friendzoned again.

Damaged.

It’s time for magical girls to rise up

I feel a strange urge to create magical girl gang weed memes

Magical girl sidekicks rise up!

I’ll probably get how-do-you-do-fellow-kids’d for this.

Which says a lot about our society.