Jake and the Dynamo on the Periodic Table

I’m working on the next chapter of Jake and the Dynamo, which I promise will be a beach episode, and I thought I ought to give the story as it presently stands a check to make sure it’s on track.

By which I mean, on track to include every element in the Periodic Table of Awesoments, which is the goal for this, and indeed every, story.

Let’s see how we’re doing.

1. Bacon: Jake has it for breakfast most every morning.
4. Explosion: Obviously.
6. Beer: Jake’s parents allow him one beer when they order out for pizza.
10. Sniper: Briefly mentioned when Jake and Dynamo meet some military personnel.
13. Boobs: This is … well, this is a magical girl story.
15. Coffee: Mentioned repeatedly.
17. Zombies: Not only zombies, but zombies who appear during an invasion of robot dinosaurs from space, and I’d like to think that putting those together even makes sense, kind of.
24. Minigun: Appears in the very first chapter.
26. Kung Fu: Or at least cartoon-fu.
28. Helicopter: Mentioned several times.
31. Space: Tesla the lightning bug is a former space pilot.
36. Vampires: Briefly mentioned, and at least one magical girl is a vampire huntress as well as a metal idol.
39. Sword: As wielded by Lady Paladin Andalusia.
41. Nunchucks: This might be a stretch since she hasn’t appeared on the page yet, but Nunchuk Nun wields nunchuks.
45. Moon Jumps: Assuming this means making huge leaps rather than literally jumping on the moon, this is the preferred mode of travel for the ground-bound magical girls.
46. Mecha: Possibly a stretch, but I believe the Robosaurs count.
47. Internet: Matilda the witch-seer hacks into Magical Girl Grease Pencil Marionette using this.
48. Hyperspace: The villains travel to and from the city in something called “the stream.” Also, alien civilizations clearly have FTL.
49. Lightning: Pretty Dynamo’s Thunder Bolt attack is “lightning in a can.”
50. Fire: Not just fire, but the very fire of hell, which the city has weaponized thanks to a spacetime-ripping portal gun.
53. Robots: A magical girl robot, even.
57. Dinosaurs: Robot dinosaurs from space, even.
59. Dragon: Briefly mentioned.
74. Battle Axe: The preferred weapon of Chai Square, the tea-sipping statistical troll.
76. Rayguns: Sukeban Tsubasa includes them in her formidable arsenal. In fact, she will later probably fill out a lot of the weapon categories.
77. Video Games: I think we got that covered in the more recent chapters.
78. Teleport: The villains’ preferred method of travel.
78. Computers: Including a magical gynoid. Also, there are two element 78s, probably because the computer teleported. Or something.
80. Time Travel: They have faster-than-light travel, which necessarily means time travel.
83. Storms: In addition to opening portals to hell, creating zombies, and talking smack about your mom, the demoniac conjures a thunderstorm.
85. Aliens: Many of the familiars, including Tesla, are aliens.
89. Mustache: Jake shaves the fuzz off his upper lip in the morning, so he briefly has a mustache of sorts.
92. Skulls: Even better, Voodoo Queen Natasha wears skulls for a bra.
93. Scars: Jake is unreasonably concerned about Dana getting one of these.
99. Holograms:
 Including Marionette’s simulated familiar.
107. Fortress: The Dark Queen’s castle counts. Arguably, so does all of Urbanopolis.
114. Metal: Assuming this means the music, both Dana and Ralph are fans of monster metal, especially Lady/Killer and Magical Girl Metal Huntress Van Halensing.
115. Magnets: Pretty Dynamo’s Thunder Bolts, being supercharged, are powerfully magnetic.
116. My Money: What Jake has, briefly, until he pays to feed Pretty Dynamo.

Hm. Well, that’s thirty-nine elements. Pretty good so far, I think, though it’s rather shocking that we’ve had no tanks, grenades, or proximity mines. This should be easy to rectify. And I believe we’re on track to include (82) black holes, (51) liquor, (15) chocolate, (18) assassin, (25) sonic booms, (98) guitar solo, and of course (9) pirates. Magical girls’ familiars will likely fill out several of the animal-related elements.

‘Magical Girl Raising Project’: The Final Verdict

It’s a bloody mess.

Magical Girl Raising Project, episode 11, “Server Down for Maintenance” and Episode 12, “File Not Found.” Directed by Hiroyuki Hashimoto. Studio Lerche. Produced by Genco (2016). Two episodes of 24 minutes (approx. 48 minutes). Rated PG-13. Available on Crunchyroll.

I was going to review this earlier in the week, but my Flash player kept crashing for some reason. Anyway, let’s get this over with so I can get back to injecting Sailor Moon S straight into my bloodstream. As I mentioned before, Magical Girl Raising Project gave me a hankering for Sailor Moon S, and then Viz Media turned around and supplied.

I’m a heroine addict, and these distribution companies are my dealers.

Here be spoilers. Since we’re talking about the two final episodes, I assume that’s obvious.

Continue reading “‘Magical Girl Raising Project’: The Final Verdict”

Jake and the Dynamo Fan Art

In this image by Roffles Lowell, Magical Girl Pretty Dynamo broods as she flies high over the city she is doomed to protect. She contemplates the implacable foes bent on humanity’s destruction. She contemplates what nefarious mastermind may be behind the latest wave of monster attacks. She contemplates how she’s pretty sure she saw Jake making eyes at Sword Seamstress, so she is really going to give him what-for when she gets home. Just see if she doesn’t. Jake is such a big jerk. Boys really suck. Totally.

Merry Christmas (reprise)

Burning through Sailor Moon Crystal as I did in my last post meant spending much of my Christmas break with Sailor Moon … which sounds like pretty good company for Christmas, really.

So to keep the season merry, I pass on this little video I found, by means of which you too may spend Christmas with Sailor Moon. Sort of.

‘Sailor Moon Crystal,’ Season 3: The Final Verdict

Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon Crystal, Episodes 34 to 39. Toei Animation, 2016. Approx. 144 minutes. Available on Crunchyroll.

Viz Media has finally, after taking its sweet time, produced the full, uncensored release of the first half of Sailor Moon S, the 1990s anime series that roughly follows the third, “Infinity” arc of the Sailor Moon manga. So now seems to be a good time to finish up our review of the third season of Sailor Moon Crystal, which came out this year and follows the same arc.

Character design comparisons: manga, 1992 anime, and Sailor Moon Crystal, swiped from Impact Books.

I had previously been reviewing Sailor Moon Crystal an episode at a time, but I stopped because … well, frankly, I got bored. Hey, it’s not like anyone pays me for this. Continue reading “‘Sailor Moon Crystal,’ Season 3: The Final Verdict”

Merry Christmas from deus ex magical girl

We have a new essay going up, but I didn’t get it finished today, so I’ll see if I can post it tomorrow on Christmas Eve instead. Christmas may not be as big a holiday in the magical girl calendar as, say, Halloween or Walpurgisnacht, but it’s still plenty important.

Merry Christmas to all, and for right now, to all a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.

A Smattering of Updates

Featured image: “Keep Up” by sdPink.

1. I have an essay in the works, but I spent today on Jake and the Dynamo instead, and the next chapter is about half drafted. Chapters seem to be getting longer as they go. This always happens to me.

2. On an amusing note related to J&tD, I didn’t realize that Dana Volt’s mother, Millie Volt, had a pun in her name until a reader pointed it out. I take this as evidence that muses exist.

3. I’m making a career change and beginning training this week. My free time right now is already minimal, and this will cut into it further. We’ll see how this goes.

4. There is no update since yesterday on the Sailor Moon R: The Movie front, but I intend to check daily to make sure I get my tickets. Supposedly, there’s a prize of some sort for ticket-holders (I have no idea what it is or how one gets it), so maybe there’s a chance I’ll get my hands on my first piece of Sailor Moon merchandise … and probably my last, because I like magical girls and all, but have no intention of filling my apartment with them. If I did that, I’d have nowhere to put the ponies.

5. I’ll finish reviewing Magical Girl Raising Project next week. I’m necessarily a week behind as I can’t afford any streaming subscriptions right now. I think I made a mistake by choosing that one to do an episode at a time, but when I finish with it, I can finally start in on some of the other, probably more deserving titles from this season. I’ll likely review Flip Flappers.

6. I’m going to be speeding up the series on Revolutionary Girl Utena. Since we’ve covered the preliminaries, we can take it in larger chunks. But that’s part of why it’s taking me a while to get the series out, because I have to watch the dang thing.

‘Sailor Moon R’ to U.S. Theaters

This news is a month old, but that’s hot-off-the-press current by my standards. Viz Media is releasing Sailor Moon R: The Movie, the most popular of the Sailor Moon movies, to about three hundred U.S. theaters.

The article at Fuse asks, “Do you remember watching Sailor Moon R: The Movie as a kid?” The answer in my case is no. I was probably in middle or high school then and was not watching cartoons. Although it means my magical girl weeaboo cred is about to take a hit, I’ll admit it: I’ve never seen Sailor Moon R: The Movie. My first time watching any Sailor Moon was in the uncensored re-release, so I’ve never even seen it in the hacked-up and bowdlerized American version. I was no longer a kid watching Saturday morning cartoons nor yet a goony college-age neckbeard when this franchise was making it big.

There’s a list of theaters and showtimes over at Eleven Arts. One of those theaters is … well, not exactly close to me, but close enough to make it worth making the trip in the name of nerdery, so I’m going to do my best to make this happen. Tickets aren’t available yet, but I’ll keep my eye on the prize. I don’t know what the chances are of its selling out before I get mine, but we’ll see if we can make this happen.

I’ll let you know as details develop. In the meanwhile, Anime News Network has an interview with some of the English voice cast.