Meet Your Magical Girls! JAKE AND THE DYNAMO Bio 3: Rifle Maiden

CODENAME: Magical Girl Rifle Maiden
ALTER EGO: Unknown
FAMILIAR: Bossy the Holstein
CURRENT AGE: 15
THREAT LEVEL COMPETENCY: 6.4
MAGITECH: Gunnery

“Magical Girl Rifle Maiden atcher service.”

Not much is known about Rifle Maiden. Armed with a rifle and a pair of revolvers, she can fire explosive bolts or stun blasts, and apparently never runs out of ammunition.  However, her energy consumption is quite high, as she has difficulty sustaining power in prolonged combat without a steady supply of juice boxes.

Rifle Maiden is most effective when she teams up with other girls; fortunately, a sunny and straightforward personality enables her to befriend her fellow magical girls easily. In recent days, many have observed her working closely with Voodoo Queen Natasha.

Although Rifle Maiden has the same supernatural physical abilities as most magical girls—she leaps effortlessly over small buildings—she is less effective in close quarters than at a distance, as she apparently possesses few if any pugilistic skills.  She has a deadly aim with her rifle over a long range (she has struck down human-sized enemies at three hundred yards), and with her paired revolvers can cut down large numbers of swarming monsters.  Those who have observed her using her pistols often say she “sounds like a machine gun.” Because her spells are integrated into her weapons, she has no need to call her attacks and is therefore able to fire as rapidly as her superhuman strength and speed enable her to pull the triggers.

Rifle Maiden is extremely effective against small or medium-sized enemies and against monsters that swarm or hunt in packs. Her skills are especially useful for exterminating zombie infestations, which she describes as “like ducks in a barrel,” though nobody knows what that means.

Her current competency rating is a modest 6.4, where it is likely to remain, as her weapons have proven ineffective against large kaiju, which a magical girl must defeat if she hopes to raise her rating into the higher digits. Rifle Maiden’s admirers, of course, are quick to point out that the threat level system treats all combat as if it takes place between an individual magical girl and an individual monster, a scenario that rarely plays out in real life. Certainly, Rifle Maiden has proven indispensable in a support role by harrying large monsters while other magical girls with more destructive spells administer the coup de grâce.

Rifle Maiden has acquired a significant fan following. Typically, her fans point to her unusually laconic speech and unusually practical garb as her chief merits. Her uniform eschews frills, poufs, and miniskirts. Unlike most magical girls, she also refrains from announcing her presence, preferring a “lurk and kill” strategy that is certainly effective, but which her detractors have derided as both unsportsmanlike and decidedly un-magical-girl.

When asked about her practice of slaying monsters unannounced, Rifle Maiden says simply, “I perfer doin’ the killin’ first an’ the jawin’ later.”

Asked if she would consider developing a short speech to introduce herself, such as most magical girls have, she has replied, “I’m mighty handy with a gun, if’n I may say so, but I ain’t so handy with that there fancy priestess talk.”

Since magical girls serve as role models to the city’s youth, it has become customary for the public schools to invite them to assemblies, usually to talk about hygiene. Magical Girl Rifle Maiden made all the city papers last year when she stood up in front of the gathered students of Kashikoi Elementary, tossed aside the speech someone else had written for her, and said:

“Now, I want all y’all to start usin’ this here newfangled thing they call soap. If’n y’all been out ridin’ the range for weeks on end, an’ y’all head on into town for some comp’ny of the softer variety, if’n ya know what I’m sayin’, them ladies ain’t gonna look atchew twice if’n you got a stank what could choke a hound dog off a month-old carcass. So y’all jest take some o’ this here soap like so, an ya rub it on yer nethers with a bit o’ water like such, an’ it’ll make you smell mighty fine.”

Rifle Maiden ain’t … er, I mean hasn’t been invited to another school assembly since.

  • Forderz

    She sounds like she would enjoy a nice quiet night around a campfire.

    • She probably would. Just her and her cow, sipping a juice box …

    • She probably would, just her with her cow, sipping a juice box …

  • The Masked Ferret

    I wonder if her favourite movies are of the spaghetti western variety.

    • I wouldn’t be surprised. Of course, the question is, does her alter ego like them as much as she does?

      • The Masked Ferret

        I just had the mental image that her alter ego is a super genteel lass who likes high tea and slow origami, and being a magical girl is her relaxation.